I lost them because of my weakness
by IamanAckerman
Summary: (Spoilers if you haven't read manga!) When Eren mentioned that Mikasa had been doing pushups that morning, there was a much deeper backstory to it, and a lie that Mikasa had been telling herself for years that Eren proved wrong. Takes place after chapter 50. Slight Eremika. Please R&R! Critiques are welcome!


Mikasa was doing sit-ups in her bedroom. Instead of doing it on her soft bed, she decided the floor would be best for exercising. Every time she sat up, her ribs felt like they were being crushed all over again.

She moaned, her body drenched in sweat. Mikasa's black hair stuck to her face. Mikasa absolutely hated this. She hated being so useless and fragile.

Eren suddenly walked into the room. He was holding a metal tray of food that contained soup and a slice of bread. He wasn't expecting to walk in on _this_ though.

"Hey Mikasa. I-What are you doing!?" Eren panicked, running over to her. She was putting too much strain on her ribs, which hadn't even properly recovered yet.

Eren dropped by her. She continued to do sit-ups, ignoring him.

Eren suddenly grabbed her arm.

"Mikasa! Stop! You'll get hurt!" Eren said. Mikasa struggled under his grip.

"I'm fine, Eren."

"Are you trying to make your ribs worse? Stop…you need to rest!" Eren said, trying to convince her.

"I'm fine, Eren! Just let me train," Mikasa said, practically begging. Eren suddenly realized just how much panic was in her blue eyes.

Eren's grip softened.

"Mikasa…are you okay?" Eren asked.

Mikasa looked away. She could feel panic rising within her, almost as if she was getting a panic attack.

"I'm fine. Now please let me train."

"Mikasa, don't lie to me. You're not fine," Eren said. Eren gently put his hand on Mikasa's cheek. Ever since her injury, Mikasa and Eren had gotten real close. Eren was also much gentler with her, almost as if she was gentle glass.

"Mikasa…look at me."

"Eren, I'm telling you, I'm-"

"Please Mikasa."

Eren's green eyes expressed worry.

Mikasa gave into his soft hold, allowing him to turn her head, even if this was something she would rather not let him see.

Mikasa's face was soaked in tears, tears which were flowing softly from her eyes. Mikasa was looking down, unable to look at Eren.

Eren's hand fell from her face in shock.

"Mikasa…"

Mikasa sat there, letting the tears fall onto the floor as she practically fell apart.

Eren watched for a moment, watching as tears continued to escape from her eyes. Eren then snapped out of it.

"Mikasa! What's wrong?" Eren asked, grasping her hand softly.

Mikasa looked up at him.

"Eren…it's my fault…" she said quietly. Eren looked at her, confused.

"What is?" Eren asked.

"It's just…when I was nine…"

Eren already knew what this subject was getting to, and knew that it must be hard to talk about it.

He stroked her hand with his thumb. Not much made her cry, but her parents memory did more often than anything.

"Mom told me to run. She told me to move…but…what if I had moved? I could've saved her…I could've ran to the kitchen, grabbed a knife, and fought! And all I did was stand there, absolutely useless as I watched her die in front of my eyes. Eren…I lost them because of my weakness!" Mikasa said, looking guilty and sad.

"And now…if anything happens to you, or Armin…I want to be able to fight…and win…I…don't want to lose anyone because of my weakness again!" Mikasa said, trembling hard, and her voice cracked.

"Mikasa…you were a little girl! You were scared! I wouldn't have done any better than you!" Eren said. Mikasa shook her head.

"But it is my fault!" Mikasa cried.

Eren grabbed her shoulders. He couldn't even take this. Knowing this was what Mikasa felt made him feel sick.

"How long have you thought this, Mikasa? How long have you been telling yourself? How long have you been convincing yourself of this?" Eren asked, needing an answer. "How long?"

"Since I was nine…" Mikasa admitted, looking down as more tears flooded her eyes.

Eren's heart broke at this. Mikasa had been convincing herself that she had been at fault at that day. It was horrible, just the thought of it

Eren suddenly pulled her in his arms, rubbing her back softly. Mikasa relaxed in response. She cried into him as he rocked her and stroked her, whispering comforting words she needed.

"Shhh…shhh…it's not your fault…it's not your fault…it never will be," Eren soothed softly. Mikasa rested into his chest, listening to his soft heartbeat.

After a few minutes, Mikasa looked up at Eren. Her tears stopped flowing at this point.

"Eren…"

"Listen Mikasa…you never did anything that harmed them. Your parents loved you, and…they wouldn't blame you either…because you did nothing wrong," Eren said.

Mikasa rested in Eren's arms, satisfied. She didn't even know how long she needed to hear him say that.

"Thank you, Eren…"

Eren shook his head.

"Don't thank me Mikasa. Just please…promise me that you'll never hide something like this from me again," Eren said.

Mikasa nodded, not climbing out of Eren's arms.

"I won't…thank you again, Eren."

"No…I…I'll do it again…"

Mikasa's eyes widened.

"Again and again forever."

Mikasa smiled.

"…Thank you, Eren."


End file.
